is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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