Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize
