So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
