Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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