So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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