I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
