he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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