That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
