Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
