Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
