Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
