I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
