yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize