nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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