I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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