Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
