So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
