if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
