you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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