Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
