I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
