New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
