oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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