Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
