people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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