I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
