you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
This house was built for laser tag.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
