We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I stole a fireplace last night.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
