Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
