The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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