wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
