I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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