i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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