i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
