Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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