Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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