A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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