This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I had to cum in my sink.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
