One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
