i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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