It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
