So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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