You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
