Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
