Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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