After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
