I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
