I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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