haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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