My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
