my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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