I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
