I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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