The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
