My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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