smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
