bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize