If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
