my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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