Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Randomize
