I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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