a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
