this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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