carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
