I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize