I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
