This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
