i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
