Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize