East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
