BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize